BRCA 1

It was a long scary ride home from MD Anderson in Orlando.  My mom had been in the hospital for a week and we were on our way to healing, recovery and finally heading home.  So much had happened I had almost forgotten I had even been tested.  Sitting in the hospital room, waiting for the morning rounds and getting some work done, my phone rang.  In a matter of 3 minutes,  my day changed, my life changed.  I now had knowledge, knowledge that would, could change my life forever.  I was diagnosed with the BRCA 1 mutation.  The "Angelina Jolie" mutation.  The mutation that took my chances of breast cancer from 13% to 92% and my chance of getting ovarian cancer from .3% to 86%.  My mother had just had a single mastectomy (later that year should would have the other breast removed) and my grandmother had ovarian cancer and left us at 61 years old.  This news was amazing, scary, a blessing, scary...
I drove home, and cried the whole way.  I was scared and worried and grateful.  The Lord and my mother had given me this gift and I wanted to make sure I used it!!  
We had a choice to make...would we take this new information and use it?  When would we use it?  How would we use it?  After LOTS of research and reading and learning from amazing doctors, we were told we could go on and have babies until we were "done" and then come back to them.  Here is where we introduce Noah :)
The end of August I decided it was time to go back and get a new set of scans and start the "what is next" conversation!  I met with the OB oncologist first and we decided to wait until after I am 40 to deal with any of the "inside plumbing".  So next up was the breast oncology team.  After meeting with the breast surgeon and the plastics team we determined it was the best course of action to do a prophylactic double mastectomy.  From a medical perspective, this was the best option.  It was easy to decide.  The goal was, stay alive.  However, over the past few weeks, it has become clear to me, this process is not "easy".  I have had so many feelings and so many emotions related to the mastectomy and "losing" my boobs.  I have struggled with the idea of losing the part of me that made me "important" to my new babies, the thing that provided them nourishment when they were born.  So many thoughts of "what will I look like when it is over" and "will I be happy with the end result"...It seems so vane, how could I be thinking these things, when I really just want to protect my life.  Its hard to imagine making drastic changes to my body, but now that I am here, its scarier then I thought it would be and feels a little like I am entering the great unknown!
I have gone back and forth between sharing my story or keeping things close to the cuff.  After reading blog after blog, I found myself so grateful women were sharing their experiences and stories, so it was at that point, I decided I would blog my story and share through my process.  I hope to learn more about who I am, what I am capable of and also document the hard stuff, to remind myself later.  The phrase "I can do hard things" comes to mind often.
I am so eternally grateful for technology that will give me my best chance for being here for a LONG time for my family.  I am grateful to my mother for her incredible example of strength and perseverance and love!  I am grateful for the atonement and the blessing it is to use when ever we are in need.  I am grateful for my husband and his never ending support.  I can not imagine my life without him!  I have an amazing support system and am so grateful for the love and support I have received as we determined this was the path.
I know this was a long post, if you stuck it out, good job!!
I go in for surgery on the 19th of November for the first of 2!  

Here is to blessings, renewed faith and the love of my Heavenly Father!

Just because, I can't do a blog post with out some kind of picture of my peeps!!  Love them to bits!!
They are the reason I can do hard things!!