Say, "I think I can!" and you know what? You will!

Tonight, Addison asked me to read her the train book.  Our normal train book is about colors and tunnels and I basically have it memorized. But tonight, tonight she brought me this book, "I Knew You Could".  It's been a LONG time, so I could not remember all of the content of this sweet book.  So while reading to my sweet children tears just poured down my face...

"You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark, and you'll wish for a light or even a spark.  You might get scared or a little bit sat, wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.  So here's some advise to help ease your doubt.  The track you took in must also go out.  So steady yourself and just keep on going - before you know it some light will be showing.  And then you'll be out heading to a new place you'll be ready for the next tunnel you face."

This week has been a rough, and dark.  As my healing has continued, I have gotten more and more feeling back, which is wonderful, but what came with it was excruciating nerve pain.  As the nerves regrow and try and figure out what to do, it can cause pain, that according to the doctor, can last for months.  I have spent hours just crying, thinking, how will this get better, maybe this is as good as it is going to get.  But then, this amazing thing happened.  On Wednesday night...my skin that was compromised took an amazing turn for the better.  Tonight, it almost looked like real skin.  AMAZING!!!  We will still have to schedule another surgery in the next week or so to remove some of the skin that did not survive, but it will be so very small.  "The track you took in must also go out", what a reminder!!

"Sometimes you'll look up and see plane in the sky, and you'll think to yourself, "I wish I could fly"
 The cars on the roads will seem quick and free - you'll feel stuck on your track and think, "I wish that was me"

Don't worry about not being the car or the plane, just enjoy the trip you'll take as a train"

I have found myself thinking more than once during this process, "Why is my recovery so much different than others, why can't I just "heal" like normal?"  So you can guess the "Don't worry about not being the car or the plane, just enjoy the trip you'll take as a train", was a powerful message for me tonight!

"You'll need all the strength on the days when you're stuck or tired or sad or just out of luck

When your belief in yourself doesn't feel quite so pure, and your "I think I can" don't sound quite so sure.  

There's more about life that you'll learn as you go, because figuring things out on your own helps you grow.  Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill.  Say, "I think I can!" and you know what? You will!"

I thought when I was younger that as I got older or at least by the time I was 30 I would feel like I had learned more and would have more in my backpack of knowledge.  But instead, what I have found, is learning is a journey not a destination.  We travel through the learning, its not a place we land!!

I am grateful my sweet Addison had me read this book tonight and I was able to learn so much from both it and from her!!  She kept asking me why I was crying, and my only response was, sometimes books make us cry.  This process has been hard on her.  Everyday she asks when I can pick her up.  It breaks my heart, but when I look in her eyes I know this is for her and her brothers...so I can hold them for a LONG LONG time!!

Medical Update:

- Follow up appointment next week to schedule the skin removal surgery

- Drains have been removed (this means I can shower, greatest news)

- Expansion process will commence as soon as I have recovered from the next skin removal surgery

- I am learning ways to deal with the nerve pain and feel confident it will be a memory sooner than later

And, really, just had to share these cute little people!!  I am one lucky mama!!